Communication
Most couples come to therapy with a feeling that the way they are talking to each other isn’t working. “We just want to learn how to communicate better.” You don’t feel understood; talking about issues just makes them worse.
In therapy, we go deeper than scripts or “I statements” to get to the root of why you are missing each other. But skills and tools are good, too. Here are some of my favorites.
Conflict resolution checklist. Reflect: are these elements present in your conversations? In particularly hard conversations, do you want to use this as a guide?
Traps & Tips for managing conflict.
The Gottman’s Four Horseman. The Gottman’s are the preeminent researchers in the field of couple’s communication. They have identified 4 communication strategies that predict relationship conflict and dissolution. Learn about them here.
And then read about their antidotes.
10 Commandments for Taking Time Outs. Pausing conversations to avoid getting overwhelmed or escalated is a healthy and important skill. But we need to do it carefully.